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It’s the ultimate decision. The nuclear option. The point of no return that every couple thinks will never come, but all too often brings destruction and emotional turmoil. The event that throughout history couples too numerous to count have said “It’ll never happen to us”, only to discover that this was a promise they couldn’t keep.
But I’ve come to realise something. For any relationship to be healthy, all participants need to be aware and accept that ending things is always on the table.
I was certain we were long past the point where breaking up would ever be on the table.
Last year, my marriage ended. We had been together for fifteen years and married for ten. We had been living together since meeting at university. We were the longest surviving relationship out of all our friends. We’d happily met all the milestones set out for us by societal expectations; moved in together, got our own place without housemates, got married, bought a house, etc.
That’s not to say we didn’t have issues or arguments. But I was certain we were long past the point where breaking up would ever be on the table. While I’ve never believed in the concept of any two people being “Meant to Be”, I thought we were strong enough, our relationship strong enough to weather any storm.
It was this foundation of security that allowed us to move our relationship into ethical-non-monogamy. We were married. We trusted each other. Sitting safe upon the rock of everything we’d established, neither of us was afraid that seeing other people would change how we felt about each other.
Once I starting dating other people, I was always prepared that those relationships might end. Non-monogamy is hard, after all. I had no idea if these new connections would be fleeting or grow to be something more. I was happy for them to last as long as they could but knew it was always possible they would end.
I’ve realised the healthiest thing we did was sit down and consider breaking up as a valid option.
