Everyone Wanted Her, But No One Wanted Me
If only I’d known this was the most difficult part of being non-monogamous
Beginning your journey into ethical non-monogamy is exciting. So many possibilities lay open to you. Things that were out-of-bounds in monogamy are suddenly back on the table. Hedonism beckons, and no one could begrudge you for getting a little over-excited about the possibilities.
But when my wife and I opened up our relationship, we discovered things weren’t as easy as we’d thought. I found myself facing what I now believe to be the most common difficulty newly open couples run into.
What do you do when you can’t find anyone interested in you?
Confident, ready to meet people, and eager to explore what this new world had to offer…
When my wife and I decided to open up our relationship, I couldn’t have been more excited for what was coming. You see, I had never been what you could call “popular with the ladies”. I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 19, and only had one other before meeting my future wife when we were both 21. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to have casual sex and lots of relationships before settling down. Oh, I’d wanted it, all right. But wanting wasn’t strong enough to break through the self-esteem issues that prevented me from taking the risks needed to make it happen.
But now, things were different. I was no longer the person I had been back then. I had been with my now wife for six years. We were married. I knew I was desirable to at least one woman, which gave me the confidence to pursue others. I was confident, ready to meet people, and eager to explore what this new world had to offer.
And so, we got on the dating apps. We had an account together to meet people as a couple, and we also both began searching for people to date alone.
Want to guess which of these three accounts had any real success?
If you’ve spent any time around the polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous community, I’m sure you know the answer. Within days, my wife was chatting to multiple people. Being a sensible person, she was pretty picky about who she connected with…
