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Blogging about polyamory, ethical-non-monogamy, and modern relationships | (He/Him) | www.thomashbrand.com

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RELATIONSHIPS / POLYAMORY

Learning about polyamory is impossible without first disabusing yourself of the misconceptions you didn’t know you had.

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Most of us have very little education about the different forms of ethical non-monogamy. And what little representation there is is usually the myopic, sex-focused portrayals found in the media.

This is why I do what I do. My goal, and the goal of Discovering Polyamory, is to spread awareness and education. Maybe you’re beginning to explore polyamory yourself. Or you know someone who is and you’d like to learn more. Or maybe you want to educate yourself about relationships. My intention is to create a place where you can find the information you need.

And so I spend a…


RELATIONSHIPS / POLYAMORY

Whatever your goals getting into non-monogamy, sometimes the best parts are things we never anticipated.

3 people, 1 woman and 2 men, a lying on the floor together. The woman is happily kissing one of them, while the other looks at them, smiling.
3 people, 1 woman and 2 men, a lying on the floor together. The woman is happily kissing one of them, while the other looks at them, smiling.
Photo by Cottonbro at Pexels.com

There are many reasons people decide to explore ethical non-monogamy. And, let’s be honest, for most of us that initial reason was sex.

I’m not saying this is true for everyone. For some, it could be a desire for increased emotional connections. For others, the freedom to retain their personal lives without the perceived need to “settle down”.

But whatever led you on the first steps of your journey, I believe you are going to find that the most rewarding and satisfying things you will find are not what you were expecting.

And so here are 5 things I have…


Your relationship doesn’t matter. You matter.

The silhouette of a couple holding hands while looking out across a body of water at a beautiful sunset reflected in a cloudy sky
The silhouette of a couple holding hands while looking out across a body of water at a beautiful sunset reflected in a cloudy sky
Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

We’ve forgotten why we seek out relationships.

Society has created an expectation of what we should want as we grow older and find a partner; commitment, sex, living together, marriage, children, etc. There might be a few tweaks and changes in the exact details, but essentially these are what make up “A Relationship”.

Wrong.

Relationships are more than a wrapper for the things you want in your life. They have a point on their own. And in forgetting this we are at best limiting our potential, and at worst actively putting ourselves in danger.

As soon as I hit my…


RELATIONSHIPS / SELF-CONFIDENCE

Ethical Non-Monogamy doesn’t mean we have to give up our ego and become part of a crowd. It simply reminds us that our happiness depends on no one but ourselves.

Photo by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash

Recently, a friend of mine told me that the problem she was having with polyamorous dating was that other people were involved.

Hmm. Kind of a sticking point there.

It’s not that she doesn’t understand polyamory. Far from it. She’s been polyamorous for over two years. But as lockdown eases and face-to-face dates are becoming a thing again, she has found herself reminded of a perennial issue in non-monogamy.

When she’s dating someone, her subconscious is expecting to be their sole focus. You’re great, says that voice in the back of her mind, They shouldn’t want anyone other than you.


RELATIONSHIPS / POLYAMORY

Because communication and exploration are easier when we’re all using the same language

Three people sit together on a white sofa, looking through books together and pointing out certain points.
Three people sit together on a white sofa, looking through books together and pointing out certain points.
Tima Miroshnichenko | Pexels.com

Beginning your journey into polyamory, or any form of ethical non-monogamy is one of the most exciting times of your life.

But that excitement can so often be tempered by the fear that we don’t know what we’re doing. You’re entering a new world filled with people — or so it seems — with far more experience than you.

At least, that was my experience. More or less.

What the hell are all these words they are using?

Now, this can actually lead to some cute anecdotes. It can fun to hear all the different ways people have come up with to describe the same things. …


What we are looking for and how to contribute

A close up of a pair of hands typing on a laptop keyboard.
A close up of a pair of hands typing on a laptop keyboard.
Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash

Discovering Polyamory is a publication aimed at providing advice and information for people looking to explore polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Whether they are beginning their own journey, or they are simply looking to learn more about this way of life, Discovering Polyamory aims to provide the resources they need.

What we publish

We publish articles providing information and advice for those looking to learn more about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, or any other forms of alternate relationship models. Ideally with a personal touch.

These are primarily aimed at people first discovering ethical non-monogamy, but with…


RELATIONSHIPS / MARRIAGE

The institution of marriage is a constantly evolving thing, and it’s high time we separated the archaic and the modern to create something new

The setting for an outdoor wedding. Wooden seats have been lined up either side of the aisle. In the foreground is a large arrangement of pink, orange, and white flowers. At the fair end of the aisle stands an arch of white fabric. There are no people, as we are waiting for things to begin.
The setting for an outdoor wedding. Wooden seats have been lined up either side of the aisle. In the foreground is a large arrangement of pink, orange, and white flowers. At the fair end of the aisle stands an arch of white fabric. There are no people, as we are waiting for things to begin.
Photo by Shardayyy Photography on Unsplash

In the last couple of decades, there have been a lot of needed changes to the institution of marriage.

In the UK, with the introduction of “civil partnerships” for same-sex couples in 2004, followed by legalisation of same-sex marriage in 2013, we, at last, removed a level of blatant discrimination from our society.

Then in 2019 civil partnerships were extended to opposite-sex couples, after campaigning from those who wanted the same legal rights but had moral issues around the institution of “marriage”.

So now we have “marriage” and “civil partnership” which, essentially, offer exactly the same things. …


RELATIONSHIPS / COMMUNICATION

Love is like garbage: It will always increase in volume to fit the available space. Or, at least, it always should.

A screenshot of a tweet: Polyamory isn’t easy. You have to keep track of exactly which bad jokes you’ve used up on each partner
A screenshot of a tweet: Polyamory isn’t easy. You have to keep track of exactly which bad jokes you’ve used up on each partner

A friend of mine forwarded me the above post, along with the comment that I should write an article about this “issue” in polyamorous relationships.

Now, I’m known amongst my friends as someone who very much enjoys a terrible joke. So I thought there was definitely an interesting piece to be made out of this idea.

But as I sat down and actually thought this all through, I realised that what started as a lighthearted joke in truth represents a significant danger in polyamory.

Like many things I learnt in hindsight, this wasn’t something that was on my radar back…


RELATIONSHIPS / COMMITMENT

What makes your relationship strong has nothing to do with what’s on your finger

A pair of gold wedding rings, placed artistically on a log
A pair of gold wedding rings, placed artistically on a log
Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

When I got married, I was proud to wear my wedding ring.

It felt right to have it on my finger. Any other items of jewelry were removed each night, but my wedding ring remained on my finger. Wearing it simply became a part of who I was.

But there were times I took it off. And I did so without a second thought.

Because as important as it was to me, it had no bearing on my relationship whatsoever.

My wedding ring was important to me, but on its own it meant nothing.

Once, on a camping trip, a…

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