Last week I spent the night alone. Because my partner was spending the night with another man.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened. But previously, it’s only been when I’ve been away. She usually arranges to see him when I’m out of town. But this time was different. I was home, alone. She was out, with him.
Even when we are together, more often than not she’ll be on her phone exchanging messages with him. When we make plans together, she’ll be working around when she wants to see him instead.
If I wasn’t so incredibly happy for her…
There’s no other way to really look at it; ending a relationship hurts.
Sometimes it hurts because of a betrayal of trust. Sometimes its hurts because you still love someone who no longer loves you. And sometimes it hurts because despite the fact both of you know it’s the right decision, it’s painful to accept something good has come to an end.
There is no universal way to deal with and process a potential breakup.
But if you’re at the point where you feel your relationship could be at an end, the most crucial thing is to be honest with…
Breakups are horrible. But that doesn’t mean they are inherently bad.
Name one person who went through a breakup and said they enjoyed the experience. Felt better afterward, I’d accept. But not “enjoyed”. Even when we know it’s the right thing to do, in 99% of cases it will have involved some form of emotional pain.
Endings are simply a part of relationships. Not something to be feared. Not something to be avoided at all costs. And not a sign of failure.
So why do we say a marriage “failed”?
Why do divorces have such a bad reputation?
It took my partner a while to grow fully comfortable with polyamory.
When we met, I was already polyamorous, but she had never tried it before. Dating me was taking a step into the unknown, and I did my best to ensure she was comfortable. And, luckily for both of us, she found it to be a lifestyle that suited her to a tee.
In some ways, she took to it better than I had.
She threw herself into learning about the lifestyle. She read everything she could get her hands on. And her learning spurred on my own, driving…
A short while ago I posted an article exploring 10 words that everything should know when exploring ethical non-monogamy.
One thing I made sure to make clear in this article was that it wasn’t exhaustive. The 10 words I had selected were little more than a small selection of the language used in the ethical non-monogamous scene. The ethical non-monogamy scene is sprawling and beautiful. As you progress on your journey you will always be learning.
And so, in that spirit of continued education, here, in no particular order, are 10 more words you should know.
Disclaimer: This article, like…
There’s a lot of discussion about consent in today’s media. And this is nothing but a good thing.
Not only consent, but all the aspects and kinds of consent, such as active consent, enthusiastic consent, and informed consent. Each as its own applications in different situations. Society as a whole is finally addressing this vital aspect of sex in our culture.
But we pay less attention to consent when it comes to other aspects of our relationships. Which is why I want to take a moment to talk about non-consensual monogamy.
When I was growing up, I never gave a…
What’s your sexual fantasy?
Are you willing to share it with the class?
Let’s do a little experiment. Take a moment to think about your sexual fantasies. You don’t have to tell us. Keep it to yourself. Now, if I could read your mind, how worried would you be?
Would you be okay with it? Other than the obvious invasion of your privacy my mind-reading skills present, are you okay with my knowing your fantasies? Or would you feel ashamed at my knowing the dirty little secrets of your mind?
Because while some sexual fantasies are considered “normal”, others cross…
A lot of people dismiss articles about ethical non-monogamy or polyamory out of hand. If they’re not interested in that lifestyle, why should they read about it? There’s nothing there for them to learn, right?
Because hidden within ethical non-monogamy are the secrets to keeping monogamous relationships strong.
None of us are the same. The things I want in my ideal relationship may be nothing like the things you want. A relationship is something you form and develop between yourself and your partner. Trying to emulate what others have is a recipe for disappointment.
For example, my perfect relationship…
When I talk to people new to polyamory, I’ve noticed a common insecurity come up again and again.
“I’m worried I’m doing it wrong.”
So, let’s clear this up right now: You can’t do polyamory “wrong”.
Quite simply, society has conditioned us to believe there is a “correct” way to build a relationship.
From the earliest days of childhood, the traditional, heteronormative, monogamous relationship model is ingrained in us. TV, movies, books, all forms of media have promoted this ideal of what a relationship should be. We date, we meet “The One”, we move in together, we get married, we…
During Lockdown, I made the conscious decision not to try and date online.
With everything going on, I knew I had enough mental energy to maintain connections with people I already knew. But trying to get to know new people would have been a step too far. If I couldn’t meet people face to face, I wasn’t going to be able to build any sort of connection.
But the moment people could meet in person again, everyone seemed to be heading out on dates. Except me.
And so I decided it was time to get things moving. I fired up…